


Despair, Light, and Hope

by Bluestarshine



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Fanfiction, Grima - Freeform, M/M, Near Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:15:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluestarshine/pseuds/Bluestarshine
Summary: Robin feels a darkness growing within him and is unable to keep it at bay, distancing himself from everyone and his lover Chrom, Robin lives his life being filled with the despair of the fell dragon.





	Despair, Light, and Hope

Words so foreign

This endless throbbing,

It makes me wonder,

Where did I fall?

Where did I go wrong?

An aching heart

Tears falling from my eyes,

Questions form,

What can I do now?

What will it take?

I think this is a good first step

A small amount of hope,

Wonders of the path to light,

Does this change the meaning?

Did I intend this?

Thoughts of everyone subside as this anxiety formed.

Making an investment of untruth and fragility.

One stroke and I fell to a consuming darkening aura.

We feel so far apart, like living an ocean away.

Absolute, yet unwritten isolation.

I wasn't truly living

Not with this endless struggle,

Or the forever scars,

Why did I deserve this?

Why did I end up this way?

You never miss something until it's gone

It feels empty being away,

Only belonging in the darkness,

Who controls the real me?

Who has their eyes on me?

I don't know what this will do

But I know I'll keep on trying,

I can't give up when I'm so close,

How long will it take to reach you?

How can I make this up to you?

~

Quickened breaths, a throbbing pain, an aching heart. Sweat dripped down my temple violently, my breath became partial and course. Heat filtered through my face, making it even harder to breathe. My chest felt like an ignition of flames, consuming everything in it's walking path. I kicked off the covers of my bed, and moved to the balcony, wanting the fresh cold air of midnight.

Running my hands through my hair, I calmed down, wondering if what I had seen had been a nightmare or a reality. Images of flames, blood, and destruction, a dream turned into a disaster. Rivers coursed from my eyes, blinking them away, but only having more come, an uncontrollable sadness.

Without warning, warm arms wrapped around my torso, pulling me close to the heat of another. They could only have belonged to a specific blue haired man, one that I had awakened from his sleep.

"Are you alright, you kept crying in your sleep, was it a nightmare?" Chrom's stern voice shook my being, relaxing me, but still to no avail my heart was at a rapid pace.

Moments passed like the years of the forgotten wars, everything felt so uneasy, my body felt like it was not mine anymore, a foreign being taking me hostage. Placing a caring hand on his own, I moved to look him in the eye.

When looking towards him, his features went from loving to cold, his eyes wide in astonishment. His skin turned pale, looking as if he had seen a ghastly being.

"I'm fine, but are you alright." I went to reach for his face, but he took a step back.

His fear sent an icy shock through my core, causing me to wonder what it is of my existence that could scare a man as him in such a way. His arm wrapped mine as he pulled me back in the bedroom, shoving me in front of a mirror, placing both of his hands on my shoulders for what seemed like support.

"Your eyes, they're........glowing red...." His voice sounded uneasy, my heart dropped into an abyss of lithium.

Closing and opening my eyes, the red glow did not seem to go away, having any control of it, I went to the bathroom to pour some water on my face, wanting to wake up from this nightmare. The chilling sensation woke me, but when looking back, my eyes remained that piecing crimson. I hadn't realized it yet, but my right-hand aches in pain, looking to the strange symbol, it illuminated and flashed a magenta aura every few seconds, making the pain quiver even more.

"Chrom, what's happening to me?" I said with a sob.

He pulled me into a warm tight embrace, calming me down, but the streams never seemed to stop. We stressed through the night, not getting any sleep, waiting for morning to climb the horizon to seek treatment from any cleric on site.

Lissa examined me in the morning, being much more lively and chirpy she calmed down my soul, making me feel more comfortable and relaxed. No matter how long she observed, she couldn't find a direct diagnosis, let alone any medicine or magic that would help me in this situation.

What made it worse, the throbbing pain in my hand never went away, but only stayed to remind me that something was wrong. Deep inside, I felt alive, but I felt as if making a simple sinful wish was all I could do to feel better. In the night frightened of these hands that seem to want to change the world, all I want is to live a life where all of me is alive, yet I feel so broken while I am whole.

The seams of my sanity seemed to weaken, a throbbing pain in my head held over me, grasping at my head and crying violently. It was a struggle just to breathe properly, I'm breaking and this unraveling pain drives me insane in agony.

Lissa placed a healing hand on my back, calming me down more, her magic giving me a bit of reassurance as I came back to my senses. She looked scared for my sake, but at the same time, fearful of what was to come.

Her and Chrom stepped out of the room, whispering, but for some reason, my ears had become hypersensitive, as all my other senses did.

"Chrom, I'm afraid that......I don't know exactly, I'm just afraid. He's something different, I don't know how to explain it, but I feel a sense of horrors as I was even near him." Her voice sounded shaky as if she were the one waking from a nightmare.

"I felt it too Lissa, but Robin is part of this family, he's important to us and we have to help him somehow. I won't give up on him, not when he needs us most." Chrom's voice was also shaky as if he were crying.

In my own heart, a mix of sadness and fear were all I could indulge in. Tears clawing down my face in pain, my soul cried out for help, wanting anyone to come and save me from this execution fulfilled dream. This wasn't a dream though, it felt like a painful beast wanted to be unleashed out into a killing spree of jingos, tearing everything up, a never-ending hunger of savageness.

They both walked in, wearing fake smiles that only shattered my heart more. Lies, they only said lies as they said they had ways of helping me, in my mind, I knew they only wanted the best for me, but at this rate, nothing could prevent this shattering cry.

~

We traveled all around Ylisse, going to anyone they could think of to help me, but nothing turned up as we asked so many people. It all felt like I could drown in these waves of a noise of laughter and happiness, it made me sick to my stomach, and I don't know why this breaking sensation came into mind.

As we walked through the kingdom more, we were only met with glares or scared views from the citizens, seeing a man with glowing eyes would only have such negative responses, but it hurt the most to know that these were people who had once known or looked up to me.

"What else can we try?" I tugged on Chrom's sleeve, he only turned and gave me a warm smile, patting my head to reassure me that everything would be alright.

"I'm thinking we see Tharja and Henry next, they'd be of more help, after all, they always find some weird answer to everyone's problem." An aura of aqua surrounded him, but it was only visible to me, his aura was strong and unbroken will.

As we headed back to the palace, the two former plegians had been waiting for us in the common room, eyeing me both with curious eyes. Tharja took no time to try and comfort me, trying to smother me, and Henry only joked about death while cackling at his own joke. The air felt free and normal, but my body felt too tense and sensitive.

As they pulled out many books, hexes, and drawings, they could come to only one conclusion, one that made Tharja's normal behavior alter into a fearful scared soul. Henry even said nothing, only shaking slightly and fake laughing.

"Well, what's wrong?" I said in a scared tone, noticing their shaken beings.

Tharja was hesitant to speak, she merely moved and wrapped her hands around mine, tears falling from her face now. Seeing her in such a state made me realize the answer before it was even said, I was becoming a monster, but what heartless words and judging eyes could hurt more than seeing a victim from crowns of thorns I made.

"How long exactly have you had this......symbol on your hand..." She said, shaking slightly through her risking tears. "Don't you know what this means?" I shook my head and she took in a breath before speaking. "This is the brand of Grima, much similar to that of Chrom's exalt brand. As we grew up, both me and Henry were brought to know whoever bares this brand, will become the vessel of the Fell Dragon."

When I heard the news for my own ears, my heart dropped. The world felt as if it twisted without a warning, all the happiness in the world had to just be a lie, something that no one else saw, why did I deserve this.

Yearning with greed, I wanted to run away from the world. All this time I've been blinded by wishful thinking, with these hands I've tried to hold things I cannot seize, praying for some form of a guiding light.

I don't feel the same anymore, I lost all hope at that point. Chrom forced me to sleep and get some rest as he investigated anything he could do to prevent this situation from happening. It only occurred to me how helpless I am as I cried myself to sleep, in pain of all this constant bitterness I still feel.

~

Days went by, and I tried to hold on a small amounted light of faith, but my mood seemed to change every day. I became something colder, sadder, but it rose to meet face to wish for what was in my grasp. I tried isolating myself from the world, and from the people I loved, but they didn't seem to understand how this was all affecting me.

It came to a point where even the nightly times of affection were bothersome to me, and I would push Chrom away, hurting him like I have never had before. He had been the most understanding out of anyone, but he still had that pained ruin expression as I cried and pushed him away.

I secluded myself to the library, trying to distract myself in literature, but to no avail, my focus was cut short in a sea of tortured screams of agony. Selfish acts captured my heart, this love born from the stars, saying words I have never heard. What I wished for was power, something to hold me up against all this pain that will always last.

As I read through the history of Ylisse, my body felt weak and unable to remain conscious, passing out in almost an instant, my face landing on the thick pages of history.

~

Burning. Dying. Despair. Violence. Ruin. The same nightmare all over again, but this time I was standing above the destroyed view of the city, I was watching it all fall apart, but I enjoyed seeing this scenery. It wasn't sickening, but pleasing. Without consent, I laughed and cast more fire to rain upon the citizens, cries of death sounded and screams echoed through the ruins of what was once a whole Ylisse.

"Focus on yourself and be what they hate most. No one ever liked you, they only lied and the moment you needed them you pushed them away, so were you trying to hurt them on purpose?" A demonic voice sounded, triggering explosions upon the land.

"That isn't true.......they don't hate me.....I don't want to push away anyone." Realization hit and I was floating in the air still, crying into my hands as I heard the horrid sounds of deaths symphony in toll.

"Why do you think this happened? Because you fell into the darkness and refused to get better? Because you failed to accept help and remain yourself. You fell into despair, you fell to ruin, you are the incarnation of the Fell Dragon, you and I are one in the same. We are Grima."

I woke up screaming, tear-drenched face, grasping my hair. In an almost instant, Chrom ran in with others accompanying him, he looked broken, feeling as if he could do nothing to help me.

"Robin are yo-" He reached out to move my hands, but I only pushed him back, sending him to the ground in a loud bash as he fell to his back, arched up on one arm. It was then that guards readied their weapons, only to be stopped at Chrom's order.

"Stay away! I don't want to be near you! I don't want to hurt you, it's not my nature!" I screamed and at that moment, an earthquake sounded, shaking the castle in a rough nature. "Please......I want to be with you and everyone else so bad, but I can't do that without hurting everyone, I want more than anything to be happy and myself, but I can't, everything hurts." Chrom began to sob, being unable to help, and they all left the room, leaving me to my own corruption.

That demonic voice still shook me, I felt weak and vulnerable, everything had been a lie, this was my future. It was fated for me to be the Fell Dragon, I'm the cause of the world's pain. Yet, I don't have any wish to die, not now anyway.

~

I took nightly strolls through the garden, finding some sanctuary in the night. The moon shined brightly, making the dark a visible pale glow. The spring breeze shook the trees back and forth, and I sat on the hill, taking in the sounds of nature and life itself.

Breaking down my walls, the constellations shone the dawn of a new life for my carved fate. The pulsing soon began again in my hand, the faint glow of a luminous purple that throbbed in my hand. I was given a vision of the end, the fate that I destroyed, the world I destroyed. I lack the power to keep everyone safe, I don't wish for ruin.

The nightly aura calmed me, the isolation kept me sad but prevented me from harming anyone. So many people tried to help me, yet I pushed every single person away, hurting myself, but them more. As much as I regret those actions, it was all in my control and I had the ability to do something. The guilt, it was the guilt of betraying them or hurting them more that leads me to this isolation, I wanted a warm hand to reach out and pick me up, but contradicted that wish by acting cold and harsh to anyone who offered their hand.

It seemed no matter how many times I told myself I'd get better, a better future. To no extent, I only fell again into the flames of despair. My whole demeanor changed, I was much colder and direct, emotionless aside from pure sadness.

Chrom checked up on me every day, right when he wakes up, and before he goes to bed. He doesn't get near me anymore, stands from a distance and says a simple greeting before leaving. At this rate, he was just annoying me, but I couldn't betray his feelings of love and concern for me, and at this rate, I felt no emotion but sadness towards him or anyone else.

I would travel through the city while everyone else was asleep, enjoying the isolated night away from people that want nothing to do with me, people that I assumed would only hate me for who I am and what I am.

Falling asleep on the hills, I would always wake up to that same hell, but instead of crying or screaming, I embraced the visions of that reality that would not seem to freeze. Pulling me under, it's too late to be saved at this rate, I always thought I was someone of happiness and a shining light. When it seemed I was so wrong about who I am, because, at this rate, all I was and all I am is despair.

~

"We've got to talk Robin, you can't just ignore me every day of your life, don't you love me!" Chrom was practically screaming at me, and it shook me, but I didn't let it show and only responded with a blank glare. "What happened to the person I fell in love with, the man that saved me and so many others, the man that lit up my life?" Violent tears streamed from his face as he inched forward towards me, the morning sun felt nice but also annoyed me.

"That person has changed Chrom, I'm not the same person anyone, I've been broken, everything is different and it never seems like it will end. You cling to hope and wish for me to get better, but you don't see a damned thing!" My voice grew harsh and Chrom looked startled at that but continued to press on.

"You're not the Fell Dragon! You aren't him! You're a handsome, beautiful, smart, talented, and brilliant strategist that I fell in love with. You care for the well being of everyone no matter if you know them or not!" His pained voice was loud and broken.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in, my face being muffled in his chest. He wanted to help so bad, but he could do nothing to help when all I wanted was a blissful end to my cruel existence.

"Let go Chrom......" I said with weak tears, tears I did not want to let out but flowed anyways.

"No! Not until you come back to me, I won't give up on you, please don't give up on yourself. You really need to learn to love yourself more Robin!" He held me tight to the point of comfort.

An intertwining of my anger and sadness filled my body, my hand twitches, sparks of magic forming from my hand, I pushed Chrom from my body, a piercing shriek of magic sticking through Chrom as his body went limp. His eyes welled up in astonishment as he slowly fell to the ground, trying his best to hold onto me.

"This.....isn't your fault....." He fell to the ground, the bolt of magic disappearing and his blood filling the cracks of the chiseled stone.

Tears and aches formed in my body as I screamed out in agony, echoing across the whole land of Ylisse in a violent roar. Holding his lifeless corpse in my arms, all I could do was cry and apologize for what I had done.

Soldiers and guards flooded the scene, arresting me and sending me away to the prison sanctum. I remember the pained and horrid face of Lissa as she stared at me in disbelief, that same look she had when she had watched her own sister fall to her death. All my emotions left at that point, letting all the hate of the people flood my mind.

Wishing for everyone I had known to not forget the person I once was.

~

My cell was large, cold, and dark. Four large guards stood at the door of my cell, keeping watch of my every movement. I was chained to the wall, dangling feet as I was held up by unbreakable steel. I held my head down low as I let all my humanity fall into darkness.

"Isn't that the Exalt's tactician? I thought he was trustworthy...." One soldier whispered to the other, causing me to chuckle in my head at that statement.

"Don't worry about him, he'll be put up for execution soon, no one has ever gotten away from killing royalty, and he deserves the worst death, I heard that he's connected with the Fell Dragon, not that many believe in Grima's existence. Just look at him though, he has six eyes now." His voice sounded scared, yet not fearful for his own life.

I looked in the nearby barrel of water for a reflection, seeing those horrible eyes that formed that damned symbol of despair, if I had any tears left, I would have let them all out then. All I could do was wait for my demise.

~

Three days passed before I was put up to the guillotine in the central square of Ylisse, the entire population had crowed the area, I sat on my knees, waiting for the ready to start my execution. I whispered prayers of forgiveness to all my loved ones, hoping to redeem myself in some way.

A strong foot was placed on my back and pushed me down to the selected area to chop off my own head. Shouts of hate from the crowds echoed through my head, accepting them all with open arms.

"Will you really let yourself fall so easily?" A familiar but different voice sounded in my mind.

Cheers for my end scattered from one individual to another. Slowly, I shut my eyes, waiting in anticipation for the moment of my death. Breaking and shaking into a world of isolation, a blissful end to my painful existence. This is what I deserve for throwing away my own reality.

"Will you really let yourself fall so easily? When there is still hope in the world?" That same voice speaking in my mind, but it also brought a warming light.

A bright light flooded my vision, bringing me to a new plane. The goddess Naga herself floated above me in the endless blue of the sky, her warming smile bringing comfort in my time of death.

"Will you really let yourself fall so easily? When there is still hope in the world? When there are so many people who care for you and wish for you to grow stronger. Look, my child." Naga pointed down to the central square.

"No, I won't let you kill Robin!" Lissa moved through the crowd and hopped up to the guillotine, stopping it from activating.

"There is enough hate in this world, we can't turn on each other," Frederick spoke out to the crowd and protected Lissa from thrown stones.

"Instead of violence, we need love to help each other!" Maribelle yelled in anger as she smacked people in the head with her parasol.

"Robin is a trusted friend of ours, he is a Shepherd, and he is a loved one of Ylisse," Sully exclaimed and pushed people away.

All the Shepherds had gathered to stop the execution from taking place. My eyes flooded with tears as I watched the ones I love protect me from the death I deserved the most. Then, I saw that beautiful color of blue.

"Robin is my everything, and I'll be damned if you make the decision to end his life!" Chrom yelled and the whole crowd went silent.

He was injured still, walking with crutches and his whole chest wrapped in bandages, but he still was the beautiful prince I had fell in love with.

"We need warming hands, a caring heart, and unconditional love. Robin is a living being like any of us, his own strength isn't always enough, but he needs the support to carry on." He picked up my unconscious body softly and shook me awake.

"Go, Robin, go make your own fate." Naga sent me off in another bright flash.

"I see you're awake now, you know, there are better placed to take a nap than on the ground, here take my hand." He held out that same hand as he always has, and I grasped it for his help, accepting his support.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried into his shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. The crow disappeared and left us all alone.

Every single Shepherd at been there for me, having open arms for me to run and pick me back up even when I had fallen, I was just too foolish to realize. One day I'll understand all the mysteries of my stubborn heart. For now, I was content with becoming a person I wished to be. My life had only just begun with the start of renewing myself

~

Forgetting all of those bitter feelings, I admit I have made mistakes. I'm glad I kept standing on my own two feet because it helped bring me to the person I am now. I can thank Chrom, and everyone else for helping me as we are connected by our joined hearts. Now, my days are spent working, keeping myself busy and happy. Our bonds are something precious we must protect, but there will be times where people like me fall and the darkness tries to take us far away and all we need it the light of the ones we love most to pick us back up.

There will come times when people accuse you of telling lies and try to hurt you with their hate and glares, when everyone turns on you, and when you give up on them and yourself. Wipe away your tears and pick yourself back up. Don't just wallow in your sadness, do something with it. Chrom helped me to practice sword training and magic when I felt myself fall, and the feeling of bettering myself always brought me back to my senses.

I pray that for anyone that is falling apart, ones who have no hope, ones who wish to fade away and disappear, please keep those bonds eternal and close to your chest. Your heart and soul belong to you and the ones close to you, keep the light shining, even in the darkness. Despair is a simple term, but hope is complex and more powerful than anything else in our lives.

~

A happy growing smile

Uncontrollable laughter,

Tears of happiness,

Where did these feelings go all this time?

Where did trap them?

A powerful will and heart

Hope for a beautiful future,

Unconditional love,

What should I do next?

What can I do with this positivity?

I think this is another good step

A large amount of hope,

Walking on the path of love and light,

Does this change the meaning?

Did I intend this?

Thoughts of everyone flood my mind with love and support.

Making a choice to pick myself back up after so long.

One moment was all it took, but all these bonds held me together

We feel so close, and an invisible chain connecting us.

Absolute love.

I'm truly living now

Not forgetting that endless struggle,

Still bearing these scars,

Why did it take so long to become happy?

Why did the light appear?

You feel it too, my unwavering emotions

I feel better after all this time,

There is darkness in light, and light in the darkness,

Who am I now?

Whois this person so determined to change?

I don't know what this will do

But I know I'll keep on trying,

I can't give up when I'm so close,

How did this reach you?

How can I still make this up to you?


End file.
